Have you ever said that you could do something but didn’t even know where to start?
That is exactly what I got myself into here with this graphic design degree. Sure I have the schooling, but I’ve been out for a while now and where is all this massive amounts of glorious art that I supposedly be doing? I’m not creating gorgeous pieces, I’m not working on anything at all. Free time, because of the holidays, doesn’t exist. If I even got an hour to myself, I wouldn’t spend it working, I’d be reading, or watching Netflix. And even if I decide to work non-stop on those rare hours, there isn’t much that I can get done in an hour before I have to drop it and then start the creative process all over again. I just don’t know what I’m doing. Don’t get me started on even knowing where to begin either! How do you get creative? How do you even start to start making work that looks like what’s out there in the professional’s works? How do they get there? Making those beautiful things. No famous designer ever write about how they get there, they themselves don’t even know how they got there. Anything that have to say about that process is: uh, I guess I just chugged coffee one night and it all sort of just clicked. Or: I just have always been able to get what the client really wants and I guess that’s what makes me good.
Well, I haven’t a clue how to get where I want to go. But I know that sitting on my butt, whining about not already being there isn’t the way to do it. I suppose I ought to just start making things, even if they aren’t for a client. Just make things for myself, find motivation somehow. I have motivation to DIY my home, why can’t I get motivation to start actually working toward that designer that I want to be. I want to be able to fearlessly create awesome arts that clients love or are too stupid to love. I want to have clients clamoring for my work.
Most important though, is the fear. I’m totally terrified that I suck and that stymies me. Our pastor said that our lives await us on the other side of fear and what would our lives look like without fear. But no one ever tells you how to move on or around that fear. Is it just always there and the professionals just don’t admit it? Or do you get used to it and then it slowly fades away? Or one day do you just finally break away from it and it’s no longer there, just a forgone memory of days past?
I don’t know where I’m supposed to start, but not starting at all just means I’m standing still. So I’m going to assume that any progress is progress in the right direction, even if it’s not the right place to start.